Since I graduated college, it’s been exceedingly difficult to meet new friends, especially new girlfriends. Don’t get me wrong, I do have very special friends. But they are all spread around the country, leaving me feeling relatively isolated in my city.
I’ve done Meetup, I’ve tried meeting people at work, I’ve tried rekindling old friendships. I feel that I’ve given it a good go (AND in case you were wondering I am still trying). But so far none of these groups have led me to that really special friendship. I’m talking about that kind of friendship where you can call the person in the middle of the night, just because you’re feeling sad. Or that friend that you spend the entire day with, laughing and making inside jokes, just to call them on the telephone minutes after you separate to talk more.
I realize these things take time, and I also realize that I’m impatient and lonely.
So I tried online dating. Part of it had to do with the fact that I truly believed I wanted to be with someone. I felt that after three years of singlehood, I was ready to love and care for someone.
Plus, online dating was SO simple. I put together a profile, wrote something witty and genuine, and posted a few cute pictures of myself. Soon I began to get cute notes (and also some very vulgar ones) from men around my city.
I started going on dates. Lots of them. The dates were comical, weird, embarrassing. I met a man who refused to eat with a spoon. I met a dude with a beard that went down to his nipples. I met a guy that didn’t have a car, so we biked to our date.
Granted, most these dates weren’t that great. But there were some that blew me out of the water. My first date with Glen was like that. And Jake, and Manny, and Stuart, and Dominic.
I began to think, why do I need to go on this search to find girlfriends, when I can so easily find guys to fill my time. These five guys basically sum up the past year and a half of my life. They gave me company when I was lonely, they went to fun new restaurants with me, and they listened to me ramble. They also cuddled, kissed, hugged, and fucked me. So much better than a girlfriend, right?
Because I learned in the ‘great learning experience of life’ that men leave. I’m not jaded to the point of thinking that all men leave, but I did realize (unfortunately too late) that when you give a man what he wants (sex), his interest will wane.
Girlfriends, conversely, take years to find. Like a fine flower, the relationship must be fed, watered, and nurtured. But the funny thing is that they stay longer. They don’t pick up and leave (as often). That romantic piece isn’t in the picture to confuse things.
I’m trying as hard as hell to make more girlfriends. I’m giving it everything I have to continue going to Meetup groups and yoga classes. I’m calling old friends and going on hiking “dates”. I’m reading for a women’s book club and running with a running group.
I do believe that when I do put the time in to cultivate these new friendship relationships that I will become a better me. A happier me.